Sunday, April 6, 2008


It is a beautiful day and here I am sitting writing. Hmmmm what am I thinking! I have been busy with many a crafty endeavor. The first and foremost is the planning of the first etsyrain Puget Sound Indie Arts show to be held in Edmonds. It has been a journey for me in so many ways. There have been many personal challenges along the way. I believe we all have a story and I think they are pretty interesting but we usually share only the surface. To start I am planning an Art show which has turned into a learning experinece on many levels.
I am a quiet, opinionated, introvert. My definition of introvert is someone who needs to process or think before they talk. I like to do things in my own time and do not tell me it can not be done. That is a dare if I ever heard one. I am a leader. I like to have fun and find if it is not fun I do not have much use for it. If it remotely sounds like fun I will pounce on it in a moment. That is kind of what happened with the art show. It was talked about at a dinner we had with our etsyrain meet up group. Lots of talk but no one seemed to know how to start. I really wasn’t looking but with the support of my husband, we said if we find a place we could organize it. I had enough experience in planning (my wedding of 80 guests and all the PTA events along with managing a business) he had the tape measure and the ability to keep me sane. J
My husband and I had been to a few art events at artworks in Edmonds and so I googled it to see if they had any events going on. What I found was they rented the space out to art events. The space would be perfect for our show. We took the plunge and rented it for our first show! The ideas started to pop into my head and off we went.
The show was posted while I was on a trip over the mountains I was gone for 6 hours and on my return not only had the event been posted but it was full and closed. OHHHHH my goodness. 24 vendors had signed up. The board was busy with everyone talking about the show! Ideas were flying. At times it was hard to keep up with what was being said and who was doing what. To honest this was the time I had to stop reading for a while, it was quite overwhelming. I kept telling myself think of this as a think tank, brainstorming session. Most of what is being said are ideas. It helped and sure enough most were just ideas people were throwing around. Out of those ideas came some solid parts of our show. As we were just getting the show off the ground my father committed suicide. My world came to a halt and time stopped. He had been in great horrific pain for over two months coming and going to the doctors with no relief in sight. He was waiting for an appointment with a nerve specialist and I guess he felt he could not longer bare the thought of his wife caring for him and the pain. He was 76. My fathers decision in that moment has for ever impacted my life, it has caused an imbalance in my family, it has forever changed me. His death has brought up questions about who my dad really was, who I am and reevaluating many of my values. There are days when I am strong enough to pick up the pieces and then there are days that I let the pieces stay in a pile because it is too hard to look at them. At the end of a job interview the woman summarized who I was by saying; so you enjoy the outdoors and are more comfortable at home. It gave me pause for thought. I have hunkered down at home. I never been thought of as a home person but that is what has happened. Interesting how we have the tools to care for ourselves but do not even know it. I am thankful for this as I am a caregiver and find myself worrying how everyone else is doing and not caring for me. There are many thoughts that have come to me that make me smile and I have an odd understanding of maybe why some of the grieving rituals had come into being and sad that we do not follow them now. Like why the widow and family members wear black ( I would not pick that color) and are veiled. I cried a lot at first and now I cry less but without warning. It would be nice not to walk around in public with a red face and swollen eyes. With a black veil at least people would know that I am grieving and not been drinking J People say the most interesting things and do the funniest things when you have lost someone. I am thankful for that as it makes me laugh and it lets me know they care. A friend of my step moms brought her a puppy a week after my dad’s death, thinking that would fill the hole she had in her heart. It didn’t and my step mom declined. She hates dogs! It did make us smile.
In all of the sadness and grieving my life has had to go on. I have gone back to work, I have continued with my crafting, and I have continued with the planning of our art show.
I have made myself get out of the house and continue to do what it is I enjoy. I will find the fun in life again it just seems I have to work a little harder for now. I am thankful I decided to plan the art show, it has given me the challenge I needed to keep me going. As we plan the last details and meet the last deadlines all is falling into place. I am excited to see it fully set up and I cross my fingers that it will be well attended. I have this grand vision of what it will look like in my head, I hope when all is done that is what I see. I encourage anyone to step out, find the things that make you laugh, smile and brings you joy. It is a great way to live!